I promise I haven't fallen off the face of the earth

I'm still alive you guys! Isn't that just amazing. Sorry for my lack of updates. I have been very busy with school. I made A's in both of my classes! So at least I know that my hard work pays off. Just hope I can do the same next term. I will be switching campuses, THANK GOD, and taking nineteen course hours. Its going to be ridiculous and overwhelming. But if I want to be at UCF by Fall then this is what I need. And I know that if I try hard enough and stay focused I can do it. And pass with high marks.

Other than school I have been working on improving my personal life. I know one of my last real entries was about my relationship falling apart. Well as of this moment things are wonderful again. Whatever it is that we are it cannot be defined. But that doesn't bother me anymore. I am happy. I should be content, and am content, in knowing that I am loved. Really that's all I want out of life. Someone beside me to hold me at night and who truly loves me. That is the perfect life. There are bound to be disagreements and fights, but from each hard place you come to value the good times all the more. I wish more people saw things that way.

The only two things in my life I'm not content with are my lack of job and my body. While my hunt for a job has thus far been fruitless, I am going to an audition at Disney tomorrow with the girl. (she shall hence forth be referred to as my girl until situations change) And as far as the other aspect. I start a diet next week. I've done this one before. Its pretty easy to follow. And highly effective. I would have already started but I have to go grocery shopping first. And since I don't get any money until Friday.... Yes. Wait til Monday. Come Monday I will begin. Come 2010 I will be myself again. I will be revived. I will FEEL beautiful again.

Its a shame that I place so much of my happiness on my exterior. But I am still a teenager, though only for six months, who lives in America. Its been conditioned in me from as early as I can remember that thin is in. Thin is beautiful and to be large is to be disgusting and without self-control. Now. Don't get me wrong. I do know that that is not the correct way of thinking. I know that everything I said is ridiculous and false. However, its a feeling. Emotions and logic do not go hand in hand. For those of you who know about my past, don't worry. This will not be a repeat of that. I am going to be adhering to a very strict diet plan. I will work out three times a week. I will take drastic steps to give myself the best life I possibly can by being as healthy as possible.

Now if I have anyone out there who is willing to be a workout buddy... Well so be it. I would GREATLY appreciate some company and extra motivation!

Well. Thats all I have for now. I have plenty more to write but just can't right now. Someone should text and remind me to update this damn thing every now and then

$1,000

WOW! I am in total shock. I cannot believe I have spent a thousand dollars in about two weeks. That's insane. Granted I did spend over 600 on my computer and programs for it. I also spent about a hundred dollars on a very nice outfit for an future interviews. Which I hope I will have soon... Ok. So now that it is in retrospect I probably spent about two fifty or three hundred in two weeks. That's not too horrible...

Somebody Save Me

Somehow things have gone totally wrong!!! My bank account is in the negatives. And I don't even know how. I haven't been spending any money. And because I have no job, I can't even repay it. I am getting blocked every which way I turn. After this week I won't even have enough cash to get me to and from school.... ANY ideas?!?!! Any help? I need it!

Jobs Jobs Jobs

So I was laid off about a month ago. At first I didn't think I would need a new job. I had received financial aide to help me pay for school and I no longer had bills to pay. My only expenses would be extra things I wanted and taking care of my pup. I would have easily been able to cover those expenses with my occasional babysitting jobs. BBUUTT then it ends up my poor lil baby needs a mild surgery. Only about $200 but still more than I have. I didn't receive any financial aide and instead had to take out a loan (which I now hove to make payments on). I don't have any clothes that fit. I'm not babysitting anymore. I need a computer for school. I need to find a way to pay for my transportation. And the best part: I only have forty-three cents in my bank account.

So I think it is safe to say that I need a job. I promise I have been looking. I put in at LEAST one application a day. But no one is hiring. And those few that call Petland for my reference end up getting the manager who hated me. She basically lies. They aren't bold faced lies. But she can paint them to make me look horrible.

What she says                                                                    The truth

She had a bad attitude                                                

I didn't like her

She intimidated the workers                                   

She intimidated me

Her negligence killed a puppy                               

The dog died of kidney failure because
managers wouldn't take him to the vet

She always wanted a new
work schedule              

She was always covering for other 

people to help out

Yea. That fucking bitch. Lovely lucky me gets to be her neighbor. So not only does she unjustifiably "let me go", I have to see the bitch nearly daily. She is ruining me. It has become almost impossible for me to get a job. I'm not stopping though. I will keep looking. I need some extra cash. Being poor sucks. I feel useless. I can't go out.My "girlfriend" all but refuses to pick up a bill for me. I feel that since I'm not paying for everything now that she has no need for me. It is a truth that once I lost my job we started to see each other less and less. That makes her sound so horrible. But she's not. Or at least I hope she's not. I REALLY hope she isn't that shallow. But I honestly don't even know anymore. We haven't had sex since I was laid off. I think she is holding it over me. The brat continuously teases me. Gets me all riled up then denies me.

I love how I started talking about needing a job and ended with needing sex. Guess they are both VERY vital parts of life.