Memories

I love how I accidentally come across things that bring on a flood of memories. Like this


This song. That girl. That play. Les Miserables. My all time favorite play. On My Own. My all time favorite song. I remember when my dad first gave the cassette tapes. I was very young. No more than eight or nine, I'm sure. But I played those things to death. They were on loop constantly. I fell in love with the story. With the characters. The music. The whole splendor of it. Then for my tenth birthday they bought me the c.d. set. To this day its still about $40 in the store. I do believe I cried I was so happy. I still have those c.d.s and the original casing. Its been nearly ten years and there hasn't been a single scratch on a single one of them (I still have the cassettes too). But the most amazing gift my parents EVER gave me came on my eleventh birthday. They had gotten me tickets to go see Les Miserables LIVE!!!! I remember even then critiquing it the whole time. Val Jean was too old and couldn't support his notes. Fantine was black? But oh what a beautiful voice. And Eponine. Oh my Eponine. She was no Lea Salonga, but she was still amazing.
My mom and dad had to keep hushing me because I couldn't help but to sing along. Especially when Eponine sang.
On My Own has always haunted me. There is something about its beautiful misery that has always captivated me. I could relate to what Eponine was going through even at a young age. I knew how badly it hurt to want someone or something and just be completely pushed aside. So she and I alike built up this fantasy world around us where everything was ok and we were happy.  This was my first audition song. I remember stepping on the stage. Nervous with sweaty and shaking hands. But then the music started. The notes just flowed out of me (this was prior to all the damage done to my throat). I lost the audience and became Eponine walking alone in Paris. Then the world came back to me as the song ended. One of the casting directors actually had tears in their eyes. I don't think I will ever be able to give a performance like that again. And I know that  there will never be a song that means more to me.

Some days I wish I had a terminal illness. Not that I want to die (I could make a miraculous recovery) but because I want the Make A Wish foundation to grant my wish. The most heartfelt wish I have (that someone else could actually grant) would be to play Eponine on Broadway.
So let me move to the country so I can start wishing on every star again
"Starlight
Starbright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
I wish upon this star tonight"