Sometimes people don't think. They send me links to videos that I shouldn't be watching.
Recently an acquaintance sent me a link to a video they wanted me to watch. Not thinking anything of it I follow the link. The video starts of with pictures of a very beautiful little girl. She was always laughing and smiling. It had captions like "Daddy's little girl" "I love my mommy!" and so on and so forth. Then the most depressing song in the world came on: Sarah McLachlan' s Arms of the Angels. The pictures changed. The little girl, no older than two, was still smiling but it wasn't as bright. She had bruises on her cheek and neck. The she had casts on both of her legs. The next picture was her grave stone. She died when she was two years old.
That video would upset just about everybody. But whenever I watch it I flash back to just a few years ago.
I am in a complete and total state of disarray. I haven't stopped crying since I watched it. But selfish me isn't crying for her. I am crying for me. I am still haunted by everything he did to me. I don't trust anyone anymore. My relationships suffer. I even have a hard time just being friends with a straight guy.
I am blessed with a good father, my daddy. Absent though he was in my earlier years, he has always supported me and has never laid a hand on me. But after the divorce, two months after the divorce, my mom remarried. I was not as blessed this time. He was so typical. So unoriginal. He was a truck driver. He often walked around in a wife beater and boxers. He drank his Bud Light and he smoked his cigarettes (the cheapest ones he could find). He very rarely had a job (because his bosses were "unfair" and/or "stupid"). He was
highly insecure.
I remember almost every single fight with a perfect clarity. I remember the most stupid one that turned into one of their most dangerous fights. It was with this fight that I stopped believing in the police. I have hated them as a whole ever since.
On this night we were all sitting down to a dinner as a family. All six of us. It was my mom, my step dad, my little brother, my two younger step sisters, and myself. The older of my sisters and I had made a huge dinner for the family. We had even set the table nice in hopes that we could function as a semi normal family for once. Besides my step dad's constant complaints about how un-flavorful the meal was, dinner went smoothly and was nearly pleasant. It lulled me, and the rest of the family into a false sense of well being.
After dinner we decided to play a game as a family. So after doing the dishes and putting my youngest sister to bed, we started a game of scrabble. Maybe that was our first mistake. Almost immediately my step father started to get annoyed because he wasn't doing very well in the game (the man
isn't very intelligent). The rest of us tried to ignore it. My mom had started telling stories about when she was growing up. She was in the middle of a story about her and her cousin pretending to be a couple to get some creep off her back when my step dad goes off.
"You and S**** have been together?!?!?! You disgusting whore!!! I can't even trust you around your own fucking family!"
"That is not what I said. It was merely a rouge."
"Don't you fucking give me that shit. You are in love with him. I knew there was another man! I KNEW it!"
"He is my
cousin you idiot!"
"Who the fuck are you calling an idiot!!!!" He stops yelling here and starts out in a sneer, "Oh you think I'm an idiot. But you're the idiot here. The idiot whore. See. I got a few women on the side. They all love to fuck me. They fuck me better than you do. I hate fucking you! I just take pity on you. YOU DISGUST ME!!!"
"So if you have so many women on the side then why do you need me? Why don't you just divorce me?!"
"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?!?! See I knew you had someone else on the side. Your cousin S****. So is he just waiting on you to call? Gonna come pick you up and 'save' you. Like he'd have the strength to pick you up. You're so fucking huge."
At this point I take my two younger siblings to the back room. We can still clearly hear them arguing so put on a c.d. and turn the music up as loud as I dare. I kiss them both on the forehead then sneak back into the dining room where the fight rages on. They are both on their feet now.
"If I can't have you, then no one can have you, you stupid fucking cunt!" He all but screams at her. He back hands her across the face. Stupidly I rush in. (from here on out S will be me, M my mom, and D for my step dad)
S: "Don't you dare hit her like that! She didn't do anything!!!"
M: "Stay out of this baby. Go back to your room"
D: "Listen to your mother, go back to your room. I'd hate for you to hear the truth about her"
S: "The truth about her?!?! You don't know what you're talking about. When does she even have time to have an affair. When you aren't with her, you call her every five minutes to check up on her. Don't you think you'd hear if she were with another man"
D: "You're an even bigger cunt than your mother. Don't think I don't know that you cover her. You and A***** both. You both lie to me so that she can sneak around with all her men"
S: "Why would I do something like that? And don't you think you're own girls would tell you if she were doing something behind your back"
D: "They would, except you're threatening them. I know you rough them up when I'm not looking. Your mom does too. You just hate my girls because they are so much prettier than you ever thought about being."
S: "Your girls are gorgeous. But I would never be cruel to them. Even if I was jealous"
D: "Don't you fucking lie to me you little whore!!" *He smacks me hard across the face and I stumble backward*
M: "Don't hit her D*****!!!! She's just a child"
D: "Just a little fucker like you. She deserved it. Shouldn't be talking to a grown man like that"
M: "YOU are the one acting like a child. Leave her out of this. She is just trying to protect me"
D: "Don't tell me what to do. I'll do as I please." *He walks toward me and my mom shoves him "Oh now you've done it bitch." *He takes a swing at her and she stumbles to the ground* "Aw. Look what you've gone and done now. Here let me help you up" *He reaches down and yanks her arm. I can hear the shoulder as it slips out of joint.*
M: "Call the police!" * I run for the house phone but my step dad gets there first.*
D: "What the fuck do you think you're doing. You're not gonna call the cops. No one is calling the cops." *With that he rips the phone right out of the wall. He smashes the receiver and cuts the cord.* "What ya gonna do now, huh?" *I slump down and pretend to look defeated. He turns his attention back to my mother and I sneak down the hallway into my 'parents' room. His phone was sitting on the charger. I don't know why I didn't call the police. Instead I called my aunt.
S: "Hello?! Aunt L***? I need you. D***** and mom are fighting. He's hit her a few times and...." *The phone is snatched out of my hands.
D: "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING ON MY PHONE!!!!! YOU FUCKING THIEF!!!" *He ends the call and proceeds to hit me with the phone. All the while still yelling and cursing* "How dare you! This is MY fucking property. When the cops get here I'm pressing charges against YOU! You took my phone! I'm not going to pay that god damned bill! YOU'RE the one charging it up!" *My mom finally shows up behind him after what seems like eternities. She struggles with him to get the phone and I dash into my room and lock the door.
BAM BAM BAM
My door comes crashing down and my step dad charges in.He pounces on me and knocks me to the ground. He moves to slam my head down. He is only able to do it once before my mom is on top of him, scratching and pulling and biting and whatever she can to get him off of me. He releases his grip on me and glares at my mother.*
D: "You fucking hit me!" *My mom leaves the room and my step dad gets off of me and goes after her. I can hear that they are still fighting but my head is spinning too much for me to really catch the dialogue . My head was pounding. Soon I realized that things had gotten quiet.I couldn't hear either of them anymore. Nervously I crept back into the dining room. They weren't there. I checked the living room. No sign of them. I went to our back den and was about to walk out when out of the corner of my eye I saw movement outside. I walk over to the doors and peep out. Sure enough there they are. If I concentrated I could hear my mom crying. But I couldn't see either of them. I step outside and my mom screams,*
M: "GET BACK IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW!" *I had never heard her sound so scared before in my life. As my eyes adjusted, I quickly realized why. My step dad was holding a shot gun that I knew to be loaded. He was pointing it directly at me.*
D: "Don't you dare move a muscle." *I was frozen in my place.* "Who's the smart one now. I complete control you. One wrong move and I'll shoot."
M: "There is no need for this. Come on. Lets talk this all out. I'll do whatever you want baby"
D: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" *My mom looks even more frightened than before.* "Ya'll are both going to shut the fuck up and just listen. I am sick and tired of you two. I'd like nothing more than to shoot you both." *My dog comes flying out of nowhere. She is barking and snarling and charging straight at my step dad. Mind you she is a monstrous American Bulldog/Pitt Bull mix.* "Fucking mutt" *He fires twice in the direction of my dog. I hear her whimper and then see a white dot dash for the woods. At least he didn't kill her. Thinking of nothing but my dog I start after her.*
S: "Patches!"
D: "Where the fuck are you going?" *He stops me in my tracks.* "Did I tell you that you could move, NO! I don't think so. So stay the fuck where you are. When that dog comes back rest assured that I'm going to kill her. We aren't going to have that thing in our house." *For the first time all night I start crying.* "Stop you're fucking blubbering.Makes you even more unattractive." *I hear sirens off in the distance, my heart skips a beat. Then I realize I hadn't called the police. I called my aunt. But they just kept getting louder*. "You fucking cunt!" *He pushed me out of the way with the butt of the gun and dashed toward the woods. After recovering for a second, I run toward my mom and just cling to her. The police cars approach our house and pull into the drive. Me and my mom run around the house to flag them down. My aunt and uncle's car pulled up after the second car. She must have called them for me.*
*For the next ten minutes my mom explained to the police what had happened that night. I just sat back in my aunt's arms and let her hold me. I was so sore and probably should have been examined but at that moment I didn't care.*
O: "So he's in the woods now? Is that correct ma'am?"
M: "Yes sir, and he's armed" *the officer calls something in on his walkie*
O: "Ma'am, if you wouldn't mind, will you walk around back and show me where he ran into the woods?" *We all walked around to the back side of the house and me and my mom pointed out the spot where he had run in. Not really thinking I call out to my dog hoping she's ok*
S: "Patches! Patches! Come see mommy, baby!" *She dashes out of the woods and runs toward me. I collapse to the ground and love on her. She realizes that there are other people there and she goes to investigate. She runs right past the police and acts as if she sees something. Next thing I know I hear my step dad screaming out.
D: "Get her off of me!! HELP HELP!!! Somebody help!" *Patches was able to find my step dad for the police!*
O: "Sir, drop the weapon and we'll have the dog called off." *I guess the officer saw him drop the gun because he signaled for me to call Patches back to me.*
S: "Patches!! Come here baby! Mommy's got a treat for you!!!" *Slowly she walks out to me. As soon as she is close enough to grab me and my aunt take her firmly by the collar. I see my step dad slowly come out of the woods with his hands raised in defeat. Thats when the worst thing of the night happened....*
O: "D*****, is that you buddy!?!" * The officer knew him!* "Hey man. Whats going on here?" *He shook my step dads hand!
HE SHOOK HIS HAND!!!! The officer had just heard how he held a gun to me, and then he shook his hand!!!!!!*
*The cops talked to my step dad for awhile. In the end all they wanted him to do was apologize. They didn't confiscate the gun, and despite my mom wanting to press charges, they said they couldn't because they had no proof that anything had happened there that night. I guess a man hiding from the cops in the woods with a GUN isn't proof at all!!!*
They took him down the street. Less than two miles away. And just dropped him off at a gas station. For about an hour he called and called and called my mom's cell phone. Until she just turned it off. Then he showed up back at the house. He didn't have his keys so he just banged and screamed and kicked and yelled until my mom finally gave in and went and let him in. I "heard" them that night and have never respected my mother again. What kind of mother can see her child get hit, and have her life threatened and then go and fuck the man who did it to her!?!?! What kind of woman.?!?! Honestly it makes me sick to my stomach. But I can tell you this. From the night on, Patches slept inside EVERY night. Either in or under my bed!
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